As an Extrovert I Had to Learn to Shut Up. Here's What I Noticed.

For a long time I thought I was helping.

When there was silence in the room, I filled it. When a conversation slowed down, I picked it up. When someone seemed hesitant, I jumped in. I told myself I was keeping things moving, making people comfortable, leading the room.

Then I moved into the tech world. A world full of introverted, deeply thoughtful people who had plenty to say. They just needed a moment to say it. And I realised something uncomfortable: I wasn't helping. I was taking up all the oxygen. The most valuable thing I learned was also the simplest. Sometimes I just need to shut up and make space.

But here is the thing. Not every extrovert has figured that out yet. So if you are an introvert in a room with someone like me, here are five things that can help you claim your space anyway.

1. Speak early, not loudly

The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Anxiety builds with silence. Say something small in the first few minutes and you break the spell. A question, an observation, even agreeing with someone. Your voice in the room early changes everything about how the rest of the conversation feels.

2. Breathe before you speak

Anxiety lives in the body before it reaches the mind. A slow exhale before you speak activates your nervous system's calm response and steadies your voice. It sounds almost too simple. Try it once before your next meeting.

3. Prepare one thing

Not everything. Just one point, one question, one observation. Knowing you have something ready removes the pressure of thinking on the spot while the conversation moves fast around you. Once you have said that one thing, the rest usually comes more naturally.

4. Use the pause

Extroverts pause to think out loud. That half second gap is your window. You do not need to be loud to step into it. A calm "I want to add something here" is enough. Most extroverts are not dominating intentionally. A clear, direct signal is usually all it takes to shift the dynamic.

5. Get curious about what is underneath

The four tips above will help you in the moment. But if this is a pattern that follows you from room to room and job to job, it is worth asking a deeper question.

What are you actually afraid of?

Fear of judgement. Fear of being wrong. Fear of taking up too much space. These fears have roots. And understanding those roots is where real, lasting change begins. That kind of work goes beyond tips. It is the work of understanding your own story.

And in my experience, it is the most powerful work there is.