Four elements of coming back to yourself

"No single reason can be found for the man failing to fulfill his true potential to its fullest but for one: He himself is the blocking factor and keeps turning the flow toward the wrong cause."

Ivan Antic

In nature, everything regulates itself relatively naturally. If we don’t disturb it, nature knows its course — which direction to go, what it needs now.

With people, it is similar. We naturally feel what is good for us, which direction we want to go, whether something resonates with us or not.

What becomes a problem is the interference of the world and the system in who we think we should be. From childhood, we have natural inclinations toward different things — James Hillman writes about this. We are born, and often right away we are drawn toward specific things. In some areas we are better, in others worse. We have unique gifts and unique combinations of talents.

But unfortunately, we don’t live in a vacuum. We live in a world in which the entire culture of some countries is based on restrictions. We are expected to follow a certain predefined path, possibly with a few ready-made branches to choose from.

For some of us — probably even for many — this is totally fine. It aligns with our values, with our need for acceptance, maybe even with our natural gifts.

But for many people, it doesn’t. And those people often struggle in life until they discover that they can live differently. Unfortunately, this is often connected with childhood difficulties — frustration, parents being called to school, a sense of inadequacy. Especially if someone didn’t have the luck or resources to grow up in private or specialized schools.

Once, I thought about what I would say to 14-year-old Wiktoria if I met her now. What was always coming back to me was: “Take care of your uniqueness. Right now, you may feel like you don’t fit in, but one day people will value you for it.”

Many people who didn’t cope well as children are now very wise, resourceful, and successful adults. They grow beautiful things, they grow and strive, and suddenly it turns out that they are not “undisciplined.” They are not “intelligent but lazy.” Because they can follow what is important to them. Personal growth isn’t about becoming someone new, but about returning to yourself.

As a child, I skipped school — but not to sit at home (although that also happened). Most often, I ran away from a few lessons that were boring for me, went to the center of Warsaw, and walked around the city. I looked at buildings, lights, shop windows, and listened to music the whole time. I was nurturing my sensitivity to the world. Those were some of the best moments of that time.

Most of us have “something more” inside. Many people reach a point in life where they feel misaligned with who they truly are. A midlife crisis often comes from unmet needs — from choosing to follow a path that is not necessarily ours, but one we chose because:

• it will be sensible

• we will have a good profession

• all my friends are starting families

• our parents will be proud
  

Life transitions often begin with a quiet sense that something no longer fits. The need to discover yourself comes from a desire to finally be yourself. To live in alignment with who you are.

At the same time, this is a beautiful and difficult process. It often involves mourning the old self — saying goodbye to what we already know and opening ourselves to the unknown. Sometimes the need for change is already very strong, but life circumstances require small steps from us. This creates frustration.

I derived four elements of coming back to yourself, that will make this process more lasting and fulfilling:

1. Understanding what is truly ours.

   This is also a process itself — we discover it step by step, every day we learn something new. That involves experimenting, trying out new things, listening to your body reactions. Many adults carry unconscious beliefs formed during childhood that no longer serve them. It's our role now to discover them and to grow out of them.
   

2. Acceptance of the current state of things.

   And this is not about giving up on this state, but accepting what is now and what we cannot change. Or what we cannot change yet. Change can happen only when we are grounded in our reality, not when we constantly fight it.
   

3. Daily consistency in action.

   Not necessarily big steps, but daily movement toward change. True transformation happens when insight is followed by everyday action.
   

4. Certainty that it is worth it. Sometimes we give up because we don’t see immediate results. We expect a big BANG, and instead everything moves slowly. Sometimes there is progress at the beginning, but when the excitement fades, everything turns into a tedious process. In those moments, what matters most is not giving up and continuing to move toward the goal. Find joy in the process.
   

Living in alignment means choosing a life that reflects your values, not other people’s expectations. If, while reading this, something woke up inside you, maybe it’s an invitation to go deeper. Reach out to me — I always start with a 30-minute conversation that is free of charge, doesn’t commit you to anything, and is a safe space to open up and look at yourself from a different perspective.